Happy for you

Just because I don’t have something, will never mean, I am not happy for you to have it.

Is it hard sometimes to see keep you before me? Yes. But I will never lose sight of what and who is important. That will always be you. A13.

Text to you

Through the very worse parts of my life, not a single soul has stood by me. Except when I was sick. In all of my hallucinations I never saw any other woman but you. And believe me I have been in places and situations where death would’ve have truly just relieved me. It’s not that someone did something to me, it’s that not one person out of many that I have spent my life taking care of or pleasing cared. Now that includes you. I don’t know what level of subhuman I am, but I have always prayed for a little help in learning how to be. How to live. The obvious realization of insignificance as part of anything is overwhelming enough to make me just want to give up. Every call, every message is about someone’s need that I can fill. I have lost every interest I ever had. I just work and sit around for a call in which someone needs something. I feel nothing, no excitement and not much pain. It’s like I am frozen and working off my muscle memory. Just used and used so much that I have accepted that as my place in this world. I don’t know how to feel about that.