Monthly Archives: October 2014

If I was

If I was a car, I would have a salvage title…

If I was a city, I would be abandoned…

If I was a star, I would have burnt out long ago

Realizing that you have failed is a great starting point in your effort to rebuild

If could rebuild, i will be better than new maybe even better than you.

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Final words of advice

“Don’t awake the sleeping giant”
“Let the sleeping lions lie”
“An eye for an eye will only make the whole world blind”

“Reputation is what others think of us; character is what God knows of us. When you have spent what feels like eternity trying to repair a few moments of time that destroyed the view others once had of you then you must ask yourself if you have the problem or is it really them? God doesn’t make us try so hard, only enemies do.”

“I am tired of people saying that poor character is the only reason people do wrong things. Actually, circumstances cause people to act a certain way. It’s from those circumstances that a person’s attitude is affected followed by weakening of character. Not the reverse. If we had no faults of our own, we should not take so much pleasure in noticing those in others and judging their lives as either black or white, good or bad. We all live our lives in shades of gray”

“When introverts are in conflict with each other…it may require a map in order to follow all the silences, nonverbal cues and passive-aggressive behaviors!”

“Conflict is drama, and how people deal with conflict shows you the kind of people they are.”

With all of that said. Push me again and watch your lie crumble.

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Today is the day when I am reminded that this afternoon I held an hours old child’s little finger and promised her that I will be there for her. I will take her to school and that she was my opportunity to make right what I had done wrong.  I could not keep that promise. Yet I am expected to live with myself and carry on. They say God is merciful, I really can use some of it. I shut off my social media today, because I woke up with the song happy birthday to you in my head. My immediate thought was to share this with some people, maybe have a small party. That is when I realized, that no one gives a fuck.

What water is to a plant root, what sun is to light. What earth is to it’s maker to what courtesy is to civilization. That is what that promise is to me.

I am frozen today, operating with muscle memory. But there is a deep resentment in me of myself. There is a resolve at the brink of extinction to carry on and show some fucking cunts that they bet on the right horse. There is a desire to shine bright, but only to produce enough kelvins to fucking blind some.

Oh I am not angry, I am resolute.

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Happy Birthday

Happy birthday little one. May you have many more. May i someday be there with you. I truly don’t have words to describe how this feels. Sorry I am not there. Sorry I let you down, heck sorry I am still alive. At least death would make a better excuse for me not being there.

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All is

All is, as it should be. Given what we put in, results in what could be. Uprooted, because it chose not to bend during his storms. A stump is what you see, where a towering tree could be.


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