Monthly Archives: September 2014

Stemina

God said that he only test people as much as they can take. Well, I think I am officially at the end of my will power when it comes to certain things. With this experience, I have learned a lot about me. A lot has also changed about me, my current environment has been my greatest teacher in human interaction. I learned to understand people better and have faced some harsh truths, that now I feel like I was ignoring or was just too naïve to accept. While it still today bothers me to say this, but not everyone has the best intentions towards you. It is sad, yes it is. I have never consciously wished for anyone to fail or suffer. Even today my prayer has always been, that each one of us should be blessed. I don’t wish for someone to loose something so I can have it, I just want my own.

I have also realized that it maybe time to make some really harsh decisions in life. Decisions I wish even my enemies do not have to make. But it is time to account and pay for the mistakes in full. This is a time when I seek forgiveness from some, while wondering why I should ask for it, while they abandoned me. It is hard to account for your own actions alone, without making excuses. A part of me wishes I have an excuse and a part of me knows that I have an excuse. But, the bigger part of me, needs to be in peace. I think you can only be content with yourself if you can live with yourself. I need to achieve that Zen state.

It is time to realize, that I need some help. I hate asking for help. If I want to continue to live, I need help. Otherwise I am stuck.

I wish to tell someone how I feel, but I seem to never be able to do that. This storm of emotions, guilt, sorrow and anger I hold inside needs to be let go. I hope that the one who can truly help me is reading this. I can talk to all the strangers I want but I need to speak to you. I need to end this. I am out of breath and I cannot run any longer.

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How to defraud public legally

“Rocket Fuel, an advertising technology company, released its most recent financial results after the markets closed on Thursday and the outcome looks to be equally ugly. Shares of the company are getting hammered in after hours trading, plummeting by 25% to $20.69. Rocket Fuel raised some $116 million in its IPO by selling stock at $29 a share. It stock increased by 93% in its first day of trading, closing at $56.10.

Rocket Fuel conducted a secondary offering earlier this year by selling stock for $61 per share. Pre-IPO venture capital investors and other insiders received $175 million. About $100 million of that windfall went to venture capital firm Mohr Davidow Ventures. Rocket Fuel CEO George John also sold some $18 million of stock”  – source FORBES

Most of the internet based businesses operate this way. I left my “real job” because the company I worked for, was headed down the same path. As a matter of fact it still is.

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ISIS ISIL IS (ASSHOLES)

I guess the title of my blab here is pretty much an insight on how I feel about these rats ( No offense to rats here). As a Muslim, how can anyone (or any other faith) support these people? How does someone agree to join this, madness should be the greater issue. It greatly concerns me, that according to news reports about 100 Americans have joined these people ( I use the term people loosely). What state of destitution were these poor soles or assholes were in that succumbed to joining the easiest path to hell?

It is frightening to think that someone would join these fools. However all Muslims and Muslim wannabe’s MUST know that this is absolutely forbidden. Under no circumstance are you as a Muslim allowed to shed blood or hurt someone without any cause. Specially women and children have special considerations even during time of war. Killing innocent civilians is just pure cowardice and is murder. If you do such things, you have one guarantee, hell. Habibi if you think your desert is hot, wait till you get there.

I am the first one to say that I don’t really go to the mosque any longer. I pray, but I do not go to a mosque because each time I have been there, they have spent 90% of time telling me how I can save myself. Well, that is not the sole purpose of a mosque. The original idea was a clean place to worship and where the community can benefit, meet each other and come up with betterment programs. The community here does not mean just Muslims, it means the fucking community you live in. My cranky Jewish neighbor lady, who yells at me for parking in her spot and gives me potatoes to eat and my surfer dude usually high neighbors are my community . That is my community, those are my direct neighbors and I want to know how I can help all of them. I want to know that we are building a free clinic, or a hospital or something other than save yourself speeches.

Islam is inclusive not some cult where you can only benefit by joining. Most Muslims understand this, but they need to speak. Fuck the Mullahs who say we cannot associate with others, we can, and it is in the Quran along with guarantee that no matter what religion one is from they will be rewarded for their good deeds.

MUSLIMS! stop pretending you are better, stop thinking you are better. We are all the same, with same basic needs. Get an education, grow a pair of balls and say no to lost causes and wrongful efforts. Speak up and against terrorism, stop being a pussy about kicking some ass when you hear a fellow Muslim speak ill of where he lives and eats.

Move if you don’t like it here. I am happy here, I am more than happy here and I will defend my community no matter what, whether they are Jews, Christians or whatever they choose to be.

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Someone said it well.

image

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September 18, 2014 · 7:24 pm

Rocket Fuel / AW

Standing in my front yard, you were preaching me morality. “You make less money than I do? What kind of shit is that”, “Get a real job”, “maybe they are who they say you are”. Using your logic, can I now deduce that you are part of a fraudulent operation and therefore by proxy you must be a fraud as well? What “they” are saying is that you guys ripped off Mercedes Benz, so you helped them rip off Mercedes Benz?

Do tell, what “we” should think? I told you many times, be careful with your mouth. But you never listened. Good luck at the next ” real job”, because teaching little kids is noble, no way a fast track to proving yourself to, God knows who.

For what it is worth, I know that you probably had no idea what was going on.

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Class and depth

As I fall and rise through the tides of my life, I see the bottom and the top. I see the one’s gasping for air and see the one’s comfortably submerged in their preferred Oceans. I see that some fully satiated in every delight available, still find it hard to share. To lend a helping hand or even an ear to those who need it. It is sad, and discouraging. The only hope is for me not to be like either. To believe that when I have too much I will share indiscriminately amongst my fellow citizens. I realized how I have changed, I realize that loosing something  can turn you two ways. Either you will remember the pain and not have the heart to let anyone else suffer or you will remember that pain and will make sure you don’t ever suffer. I have chosen to mend more hearts than I have broken. I guess I repent but someone once told me, actions speak louder than words. At times I just want to have enough to share, so that I can prove to some that I am not in it for myself. I know I will get there, but I also hope that the one’s I want to see it happen, will still be around.

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It’s Okay

Don’t wait on or carry expectations of your kin or peers to support you, see what you see or believe in you. Specially if you have failed a time or two.  Is it hurt full?  Yes. However spending time wishing is time wasted in this case.
No one believes me,  but they will.  I no longer burden myself or others in even seeking support or help. Instead I fight in silence everyday. I thought I would be happy with what I once held as an achievement.  The glass ceiling is shattered for good. 
Someone has to do it, one person can change lives of hundreds. Unfortunately it is usually done alone,  very alone.

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