Monthly Archives: April 2015

Live

What it is to live is perhaps not the same as what it is to be. To be, is to exist and to live is to experience. To experience is to take risk and open yourself to pain. Many of us attempt to live, while we are not ready to pay the price of “living” and not just existing. Cacti exist, so do sloths and so do people who never question anything.
Be curious, seek knowledge and learn to forgive. No one is asking you to forget, just forgive. The only way to live is understand people, much like you they are a product of their environment. Respect circumstances of others and your own, learn to change them one day and one step at a time.
To live is to not be complacent with daily occurrences. To live is to seek to change them the best you can, to the best you imagine them to be.
So live!

Leave a comment

Filed under Fuck it! this is how I feel

“There’s nothing there”

Has to be the worse day of my life. How do you react to such utter bullshit. Heartless fuck, karma is a bitch. Lying, fucking fraud, spineless rat. Unbelievable that people like you can live with themselves. Rot in your personal hell.

Leave a comment

Filed under Fuck it! this is how I feel

Understanding

Understanding is a two-way street.

Eleanor Roosevelt

Leave a comment

Filed under Fuck it! this is how I feel

Pancakes

Sitting at an Ihop on a cold freeway stop in the great state of Montana, I have a dad and his 5-6 year old sitting next to me.
A beautiful sight, pure innocence and love. All that is good in the world is right on that table. He is helping her colour and spell things.
I am delighted to see this, but a part of me can’t help but wonder about Sofee. My kid is crazy smart, her poise her mannerisms are reflection of deep intellect.
Do attorneys really understand how they effect lives? I got mine ruined by a vengeful, malicious and broken one who had no right to be in family law business.
I am sure people suffer for the concequences of their actions, but this pain makes life hard to live.
I pray for these two strangers to always be like this and I hope someday I may eat some pancakes with Sofee.

Leave a comment

Filed under Fuck it! this is how I feel

Cycle of neglect

Sometimes the people are that are most straight forward seem the most the most twisted. We expect the worse from people and therefore we find it hard to believe that there is any more to most than what is heard on the news or on social media. When a person is truthful and the truth is inconvenient, than that person is usually put down and bullied for their part of the story. We want to live with one eye closed, like a pigeon who closes it’s eyes when it cannot fight danger. Much like children’s stories we still want to hide in our closets and wish the storm away. Unfortunately these storms are real and will not be penned away by your favorite author. The choices we make yield results we do not wish for, but when they happen we tell ourselves that this what we wanted. We lie to ourselves everyday to be able to cope with the reality, but if someones even makes us feel like they are lying it offends us. I feel like our skepticism on subjects is a reflection of our fears, lack of knowledge, hate and our own ability to do the worse. People who do not spend much time thinking someone will hurt them are usually optimistic in their outlook and evaluation of people they interact. People who hide either anxiety, have willfully done wrong, are uneducated as in lack knowledge or are not well traveled seem to have the hardest time believing anything or anyone.

A guilty person is not always wrong, a person who wins is not always right. A person who is quite in his or her demeanor is not always up to something and the person who moves about too much is not always going somewhere. What meets the eye is usually just skin deep. Your brother or mother whom you look down upon for your “good” reasons maybe hiding something deeper. A secret perhaps that hurts so much that they are afraid to reveal it and to avoid the subject they avoid you.

You have been having sex since you were sixteen, was it sex you were looking for or was it comfort. Comfort that the popular and friendly media made you believe was more than likely found in someone else. Was it your mother who’s neglect led you to seek what should have been inside your home, outside? Did you think your stories reflected fun or did I see pain? What you think I saw and what did I see may have never been the same.

Life is not that hard but for darn sure we have found ways to complicate it. We exist in a cycle of neglect which creates some lonely souls. To survive they learn to  lie, they start believing in strangers with candy and then they get hurt. Those who hurt so much inside can barely care for anyone else and the cycle begins.

Leave a comment

Filed under Fuck it! this is how I feel