Tag Archives: wife

Wife

Maybe it is not something some women think about. However for a “Man” (not boys) his world quite possibly revolves around his wife. A person whom he finds the softness that he can never really show the world out there. Fears he has that he can tell her. A need to be touched that he can finally show by hugging her tight.

A wife to some men is beginning and the end of their world, a compass, a barometer, a friend a canary in the mines of life.

You would think that some men think they can mess with that. Don’t fuck with another man’s wife, don’t try to play daddy to his daughter. Because let me tell you, if the other man is someone like me, you will find yourself in a world of hurt should anything go wrong.

Wife, the only person a man truly wants to trust. That don’t come easy.

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Musings of the family liar

Why do some of us lie? Is it out of fear? In my case it certainly is not. So why do I lie? Is it for some sort of distorted notion of a noble cause? some twisted sense of martyrdom or is it a survival mechanism to the survive what could be impossible to survive otherwise. Or is it laying ground for failure in relationships and fulfilling some self prophesied  catastrophe?

I could lie just to benefit, however the results prove otherwise. I have never benefitted from my lies, I have rather only suffered. I have also been called a liar because I refuse to give certain information about someone. I would skip the defects and make someone look good. The question is , if I did that to accept them myself or to help them pass some sort of scrutiny of others.

There is a saying, “Men hate those, to whom they have to lie”.  That literally explains my distance from certain people. People whom I have had to lie too all my life. Just to keep them happy and even guilt free. People who can be held accountable for their lack of certain qualities in certain capacities, where I had sought their counsel. Their arrogance that kept them from guiding a young mind the right way.

I lie to those whom I believe, that either they do not care or will be incapable of doing anything for my plight. I believed that the truth will make them fight a battle that they cannot win, so ignorance is bliss. Hence the standard answers to the question, ” Hey Sammy how are  you? I am doing great”. Do I really want to tell them, actually I am hurting so bad that I keep inflicting physical pain to distract my mind from what bothers it the most.

I lie because I do not want to burden those now who were not there then, when I needed them, and are certainly incapable today to do anything about what has already passed.

I lie because my pain and my problems are no one’s business anymore.

I lie because I do not want to share my troubles. Because my troubles are not fodder for your gossip.

I lie because some pain that was inflicted on me, was from people that we as humans trust to never hurt us.

I lie because I am more used to being disliked by the one’s closest to me than I am liked.

I lie because I can no longer bare to think I am burden on your little heart.

I lie because I wanted to protect a utopia, where you lived in bliss.

I lie because it is easier to lie than to help someone understand the truth. Truth which may involve them understanding devastating consequences of their actions or inactions.

I lie because I secretly want to please people I love.

Most importantly, I lie because I do not want anyone to see how broken I am.

And yes, that smile was a lie, so I gave it up.

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13

There isn’t always an excuse or a way out. It maybe an argument of the intellectuals that destruction and construction are evolutionary processes. I may even be an example of that. I can even see how myself and my life has changed for the better by the mishaps I cannot seem to recover from, but the collateral in some cases was too much.
It is true that what happened was causation of two individuals not one, however only one of us was responsible for the circumstances that set off the most terrible events of our lives.  The guilt I carry was not forced upon me, it is rather a realization of the role I played.
To test something with the knowledge of its weakness is reckless and irresponsible. To bend something or someone out of shape and into a Form that you then disagree with is not easy to live with.
I remember and intend to never forget your true being. I won’t be me if I didn’t try to convince the world off it. I will defend your honor until my last breadth,  that is the only way I know. I ask nothing off you in return,  except an effort by you, to return to your former.

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Enjoy

You know this, which is why you behave the way you do, well, enjoy. You never had my back, but I always did.

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Can you understand

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We may seem like we are made of stone, but we still feel. Being a man is not a sin. Struggling everyday to fix things, getting up everyday to do our duty. If we succeed we are loved, if we fail we are called every name in the book. Do you realize we are a person? Not all is under our control. When a man earns a living it is ” what they are supposed to do” if a woman does it, it’s some sort of a statement. Stop bickering over money. None of us will take it with us into the next life. Love without conditions, love with true equality. Father’s try every day, don’t talk down to us when we fail. Help us!

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Trust

Trust in someone can change their lives. In the many wishes I, as person has, the biggest one is I wish you had trusted me. The moment when a person is all alone against a crowd, their eyes search for that one person whom they can rely on. If they were afraid to go against the crowd they would have never picked the fight, but even the greatest of fighters need support.

They day when I was found guilty in the only court that ever mattered is ingrained in my memory. I remember the place, the time, every object in that room. It was perhaps the single defining moment in my life. The moment when I had to believe me, when I did not believe myself. It is one thing to loose when your opponent is stronger or righteous, it is another when you gave up because the one’s you were fighting for are no longer your own.

To crush a human spirit it takes a loved one, never a stranger. To build confidence to fight it also takes a loved one.

Be careful what you say to the one’s who seek comfort in your words. You can literally break a person or give them the spirit they need to succeed. Hurting someone is easy, healing someone is harder. But you already know that, for you are yet to heal, I can tell by the way you cut others.

You wish to be enlightened and complex, yet you fail at simplicity. You say you understand trust but you only distribute as you see fit. You say you understand love, but you only love if you can possess.

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