Tag Archives: people

Alone love Terror

You are alone because of your arrogance, or your inability or your decision not to compromise and mostly because of your restrictive understanding of loneliness. None of these have anything to do with luck or God. So quit blaming everything and everyone else. Loose the attitude, come down a few notches or heavens in some cases. Quit making a spectacle of yourself only to garner pity and no real consequential relationships. Stand up and fight for whatever your goal is. Carping will not result in resolution. Life will run out if you keep instituting your quixotic standards as your only guide. Compromise and learn to be content. Compromising in love is not similar to compromising in life.
Remember, your are beautiful because someone else thinks so. You are a good person because you behave lending to that fact. Beauty is truly skin deep.Value people who care.

Dying alone isn’t the worse thing in life, never making anyone feel like you loved them is.

Being not loved isn’t the worse thing either, never making someone else feel loved is.

Tread lightly, no one is getting out of this world alive, be it war or peace.

Killing innocent people in the name of God is a sin, call it what it is. A man can justify any act should he decide. There is no more reprieve from your lonesome existence in a blaze glory then it is in you dying old alone an no one to care for you.

You want to fight for Syria, go to Syria, killing random citizens in random countries is against all religious preaching’s.

God is love, love God, love his creation.


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Musings of the family liar

Why do some of us lie? Is it out of fear? In my case it certainly is not. So why do I lie? Is it for some sort of distorted notion of a noble cause? some twisted sense of martyrdom or is it a survival mechanism to the survive what could be impossible to survive otherwise. Or is it laying ground for failure in relationships and fulfilling some self prophesied  catastrophe?

I could lie just to benefit, however the results prove otherwise. I have never benefitted from my lies, I have rather only suffered. I have also been called a liar because I refuse to give certain information about someone. I would skip the defects and make someone look good. The question is , if I did that to accept them myself or to help them pass some sort of scrutiny of others.

There is a saying, “Men hate those, to whom they have to lie”.  That literally explains my distance from certain people. People whom I have had to lie too all my life. Just to keep them happy and even guilt free. People who can be held accountable for their lack of certain qualities in certain capacities, where I had sought their counsel. Their arrogance that kept them from guiding a young mind the right way.

I lie to those whom I believe, that either they do not care or will be incapable of doing anything for my plight. I believed that the truth will make them fight a battle that they cannot win, so ignorance is bliss. Hence the standard answers to the question, ” Hey Sammy how are  you? I am doing great”. Do I really want to tell them, actually I am hurting so bad that I keep inflicting physical pain to distract my mind from what bothers it the most.

I lie because I do not want to burden those now who were not there then, when I needed them, and are certainly incapable today to do anything about what has already passed.

I lie because my pain and my problems are no one’s business anymore.

I lie because I do not want to share my troubles. Because my troubles are not fodder for your gossip.

I lie because some pain that was inflicted on me, was from people that we as humans trust to never hurt us.

I lie because I am more used to being disliked by the one’s closest to me than I am liked.

I lie because I can no longer bare to think I am burden on your little heart.

I lie because I wanted to protect a utopia, where you lived in bliss.

I lie because it is easier to lie than to help someone understand the truth. Truth which may involve them understanding devastating consequences of their actions or inactions.

I lie because I secretly want to please people I love.

Most importantly, I lie because I do not want anyone to see how broken I am.

And yes, that smile was a lie, so I gave it up.

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You are not a martyr,  you are not a jihadi, you are not a noble warrior,  you are not an Islamic crusader.

You are inhuman, insensitive, offensive, pathetic, weak,uneducated, unwise, false,third-class, classless, impure, unethical, dishonest, misguided, unscrupulous and vain.

You will not see heaven and if you do end up there, I would rather go to hell.

Burn in hell mother fucker!

A moderate Muslim

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Cherish you

To be someone that others may cherish so your own may cherish you, sad.

To be a great man so the one’s who put you down the most may change their minds. Because the one’s that put you down the most were the one’s you loved the most. No one should be made to feel that way. But most of us do.

We all have our own Judas closest to us. The one’s who take the hope away from you often don’t see what their words do to you. ” get a real job”, “you will amount to nothing”, “you make less money then I do, what is this a joke”

Careful how you load your own failures onto the persons you love. If you want something get it yourself, and if you fail, don’t pressurize the next of kin or a loved one to get it for you. Live your own life. let others live theirs.

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Our value on the offset is determined by the ones that value us. The value of things is not the same as the price of things. Therefore it is incorrect to assume that our value changes with the one’s doing the bidding. It maybe that our value stays the same, regardless if the person or persons around us are able to determine the price. If you lack taste you may buy the wrong thing at high price and you may pass on high value item even for a good price. Same is for people, you cannot accept what others say about you. You must know who you are and what you are worth. It is unfair to one’s self to allow others opinions to change you in anyway.

It is even more important to know who is passing judgement on you. The same way if a drunkard evaluates your Mercedes to be worth 500 dollars, would you accept? Now if the drunkard here is your own father and calls you worthless, why would your accept that? Maybe as a child these things had an impact on you, but as you get older you must learn to value yourself. No one but God may judge you, however that will also imply that God will judge you and no matter what name you call him, know the rules of the game.

I sought approval of people who had no right to even try to demand one. People who were broken inside, kept telling me that they were the best thing that happened to me, again and again they would say this. I believed them, my youth and my need to be around someone who cared allowed for this erroneous belief to manifest. How about if I was the best thing that happened to these hollow beings who insist upon their greatness. How about I showed them more care and love than their own parents ever did. Maybe I set the standard you now flaunt of what care is?

Regardless of what others think, each of us are valuable in our own unique way, that is the only truth. No matter how damaged or messed up you may think you are, you are a person a human being, remember that. This world is like a sand storm, it will always chip away on you if you let it. Protect yourself enough that you know when the storm has passed and you may come out and live again.

To the people who read this and know me. You know who you are, I know who you are, some of you took from me what was not yours to take. You are who you are because of me, some of you were lost souls that I spent years doing what I can to help. Some of you have thanked me for it, but some of you don’t seem to have it in you to admit to your faults. I am okay with that, but it does not entitle you to drag my name in dirt to make yourself feel better. For too long I have let it slide, but recently it almost cost me a second chance in life. So moving forward I want you to know that their will be consequences to your malice.

You may not value me, but I am certain you are not qualified too.

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Cycle of neglect

Sometimes the people are that are most straight forward seem the most the most twisted. We expect the worse from people and therefore we find it hard to believe that there is any more to most than what is heard on the news or on social media. When a person is truthful and the truth is inconvenient, than that person is usually put down and bullied for their part of the story. We want to live with one eye closed, like a pigeon who closes it’s eyes when it cannot fight danger. Much like children’s stories we still want to hide in our closets and wish the storm away. Unfortunately these storms are real and will not be penned away by your favorite author. The choices we make yield results we do not wish for, but when they happen we tell ourselves that this what we wanted. We lie to ourselves everyday to be able to cope with the reality, but if someones even makes us feel like they are lying it offends us. I feel like our skepticism on subjects is a reflection of our fears, lack of knowledge, hate and our own ability to do the worse. People who do not spend much time thinking someone will hurt them are usually optimistic in their outlook and evaluation of people they interact. People who hide either anxiety, have willfully done wrong, are uneducated as in lack knowledge or are not well traveled seem to have the hardest time believing anything or anyone.

A guilty person is not always wrong, a person who wins is not always right. A person who is quite in his or her demeanor is not always up to something and the person who moves about too much is not always going somewhere. What meets the eye is usually just skin deep. Your brother or mother whom you look down upon for your “good” reasons maybe hiding something deeper. A secret perhaps that hurts so much that they are afraid to reveal it and to avoid the subject they avoid you.

You have been having sex since you were sixteen, was it sex you were looking for or was it comfort. Comfort that the popular and friendly media made you believe was more than likely found in someone else. Was it your mother who’s neglect led you to seek what should have been inside your home, outside? Did you think your stories reflected fun or did I see pain? What you think I saw and what did I see may have never been the same.

Life is not that hard but for darn sure we have found ways to complicate it. We exist in a cycle of neglect which creates some lonely souls. To survive they learn to  lie, they start believing in strangers with candy and then they get hurt. Those who hurt so much inside can barely care for anyone else and the cycle begins.

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