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Alone love Terror

You are alone because of your arrogance, or your inability or your decision not to compromise and mostly because of your restrictive understanding of loneliness. None of these have anything to do with luck or God. So quit blaming everything and everyone else. Loose the attitude, come down a few notches or heavens in some cases. Quit making a spectacle of yourself only to garner pity and no real consequential relationships. Stand up and fight for whatever your goal is. Carping will not result in resolution. Life will run out if you keep instituting your quixotic standards as your only guide. Compromise and learn to be content. Compromising in love is not similar to compromising in life.
Remember, your are beautiful because someone else thinks so. You are a good person because you behave lending to that fact. Beauty is truly skin deep.Value people who care.

Dying alone isn’t the worse thing in life, never making anyone feel like you loved them is.

Being not loved isn’t the worse thing either, never making someone else feel loved is.

Tread lightly, no one is getting out of this world alive, be it war or peace.

Killing innocent people in the name of God is a sin, call it what it is. A man can justify any act should he decide. There is no more reprieve from your lonesome existence in a blaze glory then it is in you dying old alone an no one to care for you.

You want to fight for Syria, go to Syria, killing random citizens in random countries is against all religious preaching’s.

God is love, love God, love his creation.

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Filed under Fuck it! this is how I feel

Musings of the family liar

Why do some of us lie? Is it out of fear? In my case it certainly is not. So why do I lie? Is it for some sort of distorted notion of a noble cause? some twisted sense of martyrdom or is it a survival mechanism to the survive what could be impossible to survive otherwise. Or is it laying ground for failure in relationships and fulfilling some self prophesied  catastrophe?

I could lie just to benefit, however the results prove otherwise. I have never benefitted from my lies, I have rather only suffered. I have also been called a liar because I refuse to give certain information about someone. I would skip the defects and make someone look good. The question is , if I did that to accept them myself or to help them pass some sort of scrutiny of others.

There is a saying, “Men hate those, to whom they have to lie”.  That literally explains my distance from certain people. People whom I have had to lie too all my life. Just to keep them happy and even guilt free. People who can be held accountable for their lack of certain qualities in certain capacities, where I had sought their counsel. Their arrogance that kept them from guiding a young mind the right way.

I lie to those whom I believe, that either they do not care or will be incapable of doing anything for my plight. I believed that the truth will make them fight a battle that they cannot win, so ignorance is bliss. Hence the standard answers to the question, ” Hey Sammy how are  you? I am doing great”. Do I really want to tell them, actually I am hurting so bad that I keep inflicting physical pain to distract my mind from what bothers it the most.

I lie because I do not want to burden those now who were not there then, when I needed them, and are certainly incapable today to do anything about what has already passed.

I lie because my pain and my problems are no one’s business anymore.

I lie because I do not want to share my troubles. Because my troubles are not fodder for your gossip.

I lie because some pain that was inflicted on me, was from people that we as humans trust to never hurt us.

I lie because I am more used to being disliked by the one’s closest to me than I am liked.

I lie because I can no longer bare to think I am burden on your little heart.

I lie because I wanted to protect a utopia, where you lived in bliss.

I lie because it is easier to lie than to help someone understand the truth. Truth which may involve them understanding devastating consequences of their actions or inactions.

I lie because I secretly want to please people I love.

Most importantly, I lie because I do not want anyone to see how broken I am.

And yes, that smile was a lie, so I gave it up.

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Filed under Fuck it! this is how I feel


It is entirely too convenient for people to dodge competition, by deeming their opponent unworthy off your effort. People in the business world do it all the time. A small soda maker will often say bad things about Coca Cola in company of it’s peers. Often making statements such as ” We are real soda”  or ” We are healthier” etc. What you really are is a small time player who lacks the vision to not just compete with Coke, but you can’t even make enough noise for them to buy you out. Same applies for many other small businesses. They have these bullet proof impermeable ceilings under which they rest in comfort of their mild successes.

Same carries over to friends and family. It is so much easier to deem someone so worthless, that you are unwilling to waste your breath on them. This someone could be someone you once loved and adored, today they are not worth a passing thought. It is your decision to let people go and it is understandable, but take your time and investigate the fact that the same person you put on a pedestal once is now worth less than a grain of sand to you. When it comes to family this is specially important. It is extremely important to be able to look past what is immediately obvious and what is comforting to you in your moment of loss.

People discard people today as if they have no value. What good is your love if it is only valid when their reciprocation of what you offer? Sometimes you fight to fight, because it is the honorable thing to do, not to win, not for the glory but you fight someone or something because your opponent needs someone to stand up to them. You may not even want too, but your loved one may need some resistance to realize life itself and for you to realize that you can go the distance if needed.

Compete against the greatest of odds, in life, in business and in love. For you never know what reward lays ahead and even if your did not survive the battle you can die in content of the fact that you truly tried. In God’s house result and efforts both matter. This world is little more generic in it’s selection of good men, out here successful men are often confused as good.

If mother Teresa, Edhi and Rosa Parks etc only did things for success many people would have no one. Some do it because it is what is the right thing to do, knowing that they will never be able to feed all the mouths or bring equality and justice to all, but they never gave up to the worse odds imaginable.

So compete, with life, with love and  by doing good to other whenever you can.

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Cycle of neglect

Sometimes the people are that are most straight forward seem the most the most twisted. We expect the worse from people and therefore we find it hard to believe that there is any more to most than what is heard on the news or on social media. When a person is truthful and the truth is inconvenient, than that person is usually put down and bullied for their part of the story. We want to live with one eye closed, like a pigeon who closes it’s eyes when it cannot fight danger. Much like children’s stories we still want to hide in our closets and wish the storm away. Unfortunately these storms are real and will not be penned away by your favorite author. The choices we make yield results we do not wish for, but when they happen we tell ourselves that this what we wanted. We lie to ourselves everyday to be able to cope with the reality, but if someones even makes us feel like they are lying it offends us. I feel like our skepticism on subjects is a reflection of our fears, lack of knowledge, hate and our own ability to do the worse. People who do not spend much time thinking someone will hurt them are usually optimistic in their outlook and evaluation of people they interact. People who hide either anxiety, have willfully done wrong, are uneducated as in lack knowledge or are not well traveled seem to have the hardest time believing anything or anyone.

A guilty person is not always wrong, a person who wins is not always right. A person who is quite in his or her demeanor is not always up to something and the person who moves about too much is not always going somewhere. What meets the eye is usually just skin deep. Your brother or mother whom you look down upon for your “good” reasons maybe hiding something deeper. A secret perhaps that hurts so much that they are afraid to reveal it and to avoid the subject they avoid you.

You have been having sex since you were sixteen, was it sex you were looking for or was it comfort. Comfort that the popular and friendly media made you believe was more than likely found in someone else. Was it your mother who’s neglect led you to seek what should have been inside your home, outside? Did you think your stories reflected fun or did I see pain? What you think I saw and what did I see may have never been the same.

Life is not that hard but for darn sure we have found ways to complicate it. We exist in a cycle of neglect which creates some lonely souls. To survive they learn to  lie, they start believing in strangers with candy and then they get hurt. Those who hurt so much inside can barely care for anyone else and the cycle begins.

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Filed under Fuck it! this is how I feel


” A child belongs with his or her mother”

– Mama

Now you know why I stay still.

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