Tag Archives: father

Sleep

One of these days I will sleep.

 Until then I will work and wait for the day I am free. 

I don’t dream of a rescue anymore, no where I want to be.

Nowhere, I trust you to take me.

Here, in this quite outpost a million miles away from you.

I stay alone, but I can be me.

No one to call me a liar or to praise my good deeds.

Just me and my demons dancing by the fire, pretending to be free.

We may lack sleep or your loving embrace, but here we are naked without inhibition.

Away from your dark world, where survival is victory.

Slander my name, defame me to your hearts content, but alone at night that feeling you can’t describe, that is me.

You say I ran away and didn’t fight, Defeating the one’s I love is no victory, to me.

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Musings of the family liar

Why do some of us lie? Is it out of fear? In my case it certainly is not. So why do I lie? Is it for some sort of distorted notion of a noble cause? some twisted sense of martyrdom or is it a survival mechanism to the survive what could be impossible to survive otherwise. Or is it laying ground for failure in relationships and fulfilling some self prophesied  catastrophe?

I could lie just to benefit, however the results prove otherwise. I have never benefitted from my lies, I have rather only suffered. I have also been called a liar because I refuse to give certain information about someone. I would skip the defects and make someone look good. The question is , if I did that to accept them myself or to help them pass some sort of scrutiny of others.

There is a saying, “Men hate those, to whom they have to lie”.  That literally explains my distance from certain people. People whom I have had to lie too all my life. Just to keep them happy and even guilt free. People who can be held accountable for their lack of certain qualities in certain capacities, where I had sought their counsel. Their arrogance that kept them from guiding a young mind the right way.

I lie to those whom I believe, that either they do not care or will be incapable of doing anything for my plight. I believed that the truth will make them fight a battle that they cannot win, so ignorance is bliss. Hence the standard answers to the question, ” Hey Sammy how are  you? I am doing great”. Do I really want to tell them, actually I am hurting so bad that I keep inflicting physical pain to distract my mind from what bothers it the most.

I lie because I do not want to burden those now who were not there then, when I needed them, and are certainly incapable today to do anything about what has already passed.

I lie because my pain and my problems are no one’s business anymore.

I lie because I do not want to share my troubles. Because my troubles are not fodder for your gossip.

I lie because some pain that was inflicted on me, was from people that we as humans trust to never hurt us.

I lie because I am more used to being disliked by the one’s closest to me than I am liked.

I lie because I can no longer bare to think I am burden on your little heart.

I lie because I wanted to protect a utopia, where you lived in bliss.

I lie because it is easier to lie than to help someone understand the truth. Truth which may involve them understanding devastating consequences of their actions or inactions.

I lie because I secretly want to please people I love.

Most importantly, I lie because I do not want anyone to see how broken I am.

And yes, that smile was a lie, so I gave it up.

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Enjoy

You know this, which is why you behave the way you do, well, enjoy. You never had my back, but I always did.

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“Get a real Job”

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People with “Real jobs” won’t understand hahaha. Stupid, damaged people who laugh and mock at those of us who try. I always worked hard for the family, but this time it’s personal.

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Can you understand

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We may seem like we are made of stone, but we still feel. Being a man is not a sin. Struggling everyday to fix things, getting up everyday to do our duty. If we succeed we are loved, if we fail we are called every name in the book. Do you realize we are a person? Not all is under our control. When a man earns a living it is ” what they are supposed to do” if a woman does it, it’s some sort of a statement. Stop bickering over money. None of us will take it with us into the next life. Love without conditions, love with true equality. Father’s try every day, don’t talk down to us when we fail. Help us!

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Child abuse

Child abuse is a strong term, however it’s strength lies in legal ramifications associated. The real child abuse never gets any attention, consider the time elapsed between physical harm and the beginning of it. It begins with regret mother’s or father’s build for that child.
Innocence of children is innocence of angels. You are probably a vermin if you choose to exploit that.
A mother truly has a God given right to her child, there isn’t any dispute there. I can’t imagine the feeling a mother has for offspring and it truly is a privilege to feel that way about another person.
A mother who abuses that privilege is damned, in this world and the next.

The only real compass and belief a child has is words of her mother. To corrupt that for any sort of gain is probably a sin.

When a mother uses her child’s trust to resurrect revenge on her father, she is truly damaging that child for life. Calling the father names, falsifying truths, creating friction between the father and child are double edged swords. No matter how well one can play the victim, the consequences of this blame game will leave only one real victim, damaged for life. That is the worst kind of abuse. It leaves no visible marks but it scars a child for the rest of their natural lives.
Chinese saying “Disaster comes from the mouth”. All your efforts, all the running around, all the higher education means nothing if you cannot raise a good person. For you to pollute the purest is evil, it is unforgivable.
‚úč Stop before it’s too late. Majority of people are not bad by birth, they truly are products of their environment.

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Soy Milk

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Father, a word much like soy milk, is it really milk?Do we really need it? Do we drink it because we can’t handle the real thing? Is it a substitute because we cannot tolerate the real thing? Why do we drink it? So we can nod our head in agreement when popular kids say milk is good for you? A false sense of security perhaps, that you are doing yourself good?

Our society of brats and the lazy is evidence of how detrimental breaking the family structure down is. Everyone takes the easy way out, children learn that at a young age. How can we teach them responsibility when a rumor is enough to break a family, because it’s too much work to investigate and work on the truth.

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