Some days, I cannot function. I have to go off muscle memory and decades of experience and just follow my routine.
It is usually the days I wake up realizing what an utter mess my personal life has become. I “visit” my daughter, I have no communication with her mother, I live nowhere, I have no real workspace or living space. I am trying to build something bigger than I ever thought I could and I have very little support if any at all from my family. It is the day when I get hit by the reality of my ambitions, little old me is doing what? A hundred million dollar company? I think of my highly educated team of lawyers, CPA, engineers and designers all looking at me for solutions. It is overwhelming to say the least. They ask questions I did not know existed, yet here I am.
In my darkest hour and moments of complete self doubt I only wonder what she would say to me now? It is funny when you prove yourself to most accomplished men and women in the world, but you still seek a smile and nod from someone who left you to die.
Logic states that this need is unrecognized by the brain and therefore unnecessary. Science states it is my lacking as an individual to accept failure and rejection. My faith in her says that she would be proud.
Some days, logic, science, medicine and my heart fight, and those days, I cannot seem to function.