Resolve

Today is the day when I am reminded that this afternoon I held an hours old child’s little finger and promised her that I will be there for her. I will take her to school and that she was my opportunity to make right what I had done wrong.  I could not keep that promise. Yet I am expected to live with myself and carry on. They say God is merciful, I really can use some of it. I shut off my social media today, because I woke up with the song happy birthday to you in my head. My immediate thought was to share this with some people, maybe have a small party. That is when I realized, that no one gives a fuck.

What water is to a plant root, what sun is to light. What earth is to it’s maker to what courtesy is to civilization. That is what that promise is to me.

I am frozen today, operating with muscle memory. But there is a deep resentment in me of myself. There is a resolve at the brink of extinction to carry on and show some fucking cunts that they bet on the right horse. There is a desire to shine bright, but only to produce enough kelvins to fucking blind some.

Oh I am not angry, I am resolute.

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