I am not here

Neither I am here nor is my shadow
My foot prints on the sand are not mine either
The wrinkles on these sheets are not from my body
the laughter you hear is not mine either

This love that seems to creep up never was mine
this kindness I show is from someone else
the spark in my eye that occasionally shows
belongs to another’s eye

These words here do not belong to me
my soul nor this body is mine
a bit of cheer that shows now and then
is like this life that was never mine

Hope in me is what was left by another
the strength in me is from her temper
the tears that come up are held by her eyes
the pain in me is from her smile

I am not here
just what you left of you
I was never there
I needed to find you to find me

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to the readers, my brother once said “fuck your poetry and your words” well I never had these words until I was left for dead. Out of nowhere these come up, I never think of them nor do I sit down to write. The people I loved the most never once asked me what happened, how did I fall this much as a person. The answer was I didn’t until today I am trying to prove you wrong. I was tripped by a ruthless world of business, I was not ready for the big leagues. I never believed that anyone will do what they did to me. But when the only one’s that matter to you believe your wrongs than people like me have no need to defend ourselves in the yes of any other. I wonder if I am such a horrible person which I now believe I am, why I don’t just give up and start fresh? Why I am I still willing to take a bullet for any of you. Tell me if horrible people hurt so much that they cannot smile? Fuck my poetry? I guess.

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